Warhol's Light Bulbs by Zetson

Yesterday, I asked friends on Twitter and Facebook (many who are or were nonprofit executives) to send me punch lines. It was a whole lot of fun to read them. Thanks to everyone who contributed. If you have a punch line to share, please comment (ignore “No Comments”– I am trying to change that with our blog provider.) Thanks, Carlo

How many nonprofit executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

– One to form a committee, one to form a workgroup, and a third to write a fundraising plan for the lightbulb.

– Lightbulb? I downsized my lamp during the last budget cycle.

– We won’t be able to change the light bulb until our five year strategic plan is done. But we can’t seem to get the plan done because we do everything by consensus, in committee, and we can’t agree. So I’m afraid we will just have to sit here in the dark, talking. Forever.

– The CORRECT form has to be filled out by the person who notices that the light bulb needs to be screwed in = 1. Then that form has to go thru a commitee of 3 and be approved and posted online = 4. Online, it goes to another committe of 3 for scheduling = 7. Once scheduled, it is assigned to the lightbulb screwing in crew = 10. If the CORRECT form was not filled out OR there is not money in the budget for this request, then the person who noticed the lightbulb needed screwing in is an idiot and has wasted everyone’s time. What’s your problem? Its only a LIGHTBULB! Then the request is re-routed to overall SAFETY budget, where it must be sent through 4 levels of administration and presented at the next board meeting = 15 + 10 = 25 ummm…25.

– The staff emanates so much bright light from fast, brilliant work that we hadn’t noticed the burned out bulb.

– One, but only if the grant comes through.

– One, to delegate it to the Operations Manager.

– (Part I) First, the administrative assistant will be asked to research light bulbs for wattage, cost, and illumination. The admistrative assistant will provide the executive director with a list of three different light bulbs to be considered. The executive director forms a task force to consider the recommendation of light bulbs. After a few weeks of contemplation the task force will render its decision and direct the organization as to which light bulb to purchase. The action is tabled the next day when a prominent donor and board member calls, offended that he was not asked to participate in the task force as he has several years of light bulb experience. Another task force is formed to soothe the ruffled feathers with the upset board member as chair. After two weeks, the new task force reaches the same decision as the old one. The development office is then asked to raise the funds necessary to purchase the new light bulb….

– If we form a collaborative, map our assets, identify objectives and funding sources, it should take about…wait a minute, what were we trying to do again?

– (Part II) ….Another committee is created with board members who like to plan parties. The first order of business is set a date and a theme for the light bulb fundraiser. After deciding the fundraiser should be an authentic Hawaiian luau the committee goes about planning the menu including a tofu pig for those who don’t eat meat. The committee designs the invitations, creates guest lists, decides on the venue and picks out the decorations. The organization’s staff does all the work however printing the invitations, creating the mailing labels and putting up all the decorations. At least one board member tells them everything they did was wrong. After the fundraiser, the total money raised is announced and everybody feels great. They came together to solve a problem and all hurt feelings and animosity is forgotten. With both money in hand and a mandate from the organization the administrative assistant orders the light bulb from Office Depot….

– Five, but we’ll spur economic development, engage citizens, provide job training, and beautify the neighborhood at the same time.

– (Part III)…After it arrives the administrative assistant climbs the ladder to replace the bulb only to find it is no longer needed. An intern who was hired a week earlier brought a bulb from home and replaced it herself.